by looking at the feedbacksmade for the previous essay and 2 drafts and also following instruction given through email by professor, you need to revise the essay and provid the needed info to the professor in writtend
draft 1 feedback:
Hi Vazgen, A bit of feedback: Write the date in MLA format. Be sure to write a title that reflects the topic and your “argument.” Indent the first sentence of every new paragraph. Get rid of the blank page. Write authors’ full names in the works cited page. Introduction: I’m not sure what the Descartes quote has to do with the rest of the paper. Make sure the “hook” has a meaningful connection to the rest of the paper. Cite all quotes according to MLA. In the introduction, provide a comprehensive definition of cognitive biases, elucidating their nature and impact. Explicitly outline what cognitive biases are and elucidate their role in shaping perceptions and decision-making processes. Specifically, define the primary bias you will examine in relation to . As you do this, ensure that you maintain your focus on health-related decision-making. The introduction should indicate a direct response to the prompt. I don’t see anything about cognitive bias thus far. Maintain academic tone. Get rid of the fluff and hyperbole in the paper. Academic tone is the formal and objective style of writing employed in scholarly contexts. It emphasizes clarity, precision, and the neutral presentation of information, aiming to communicate research findings or contribute to a particular field’s knowledge. This style involves using clear and straightforward language, maintaining a formal tone, and avoiding personal bias or emotional language. Efficiently utilize your introduction to dive into the analysis without wasting space on explaining what the paper will do. Immediately address the impact of cognitive biases on health-related decision-making, providing a concise yet engaging overview. In other words, don’t tell your reader what you are going to do. Just do it. Thesis: How is health-related decision-making affected by cognitive bias? Your thesis should directly answer this question. You have to advance a specific argument/thesis. The claim here is very vague. Be specific. The thesis should be an answer to the “how” and also indicate strategies that can be employed to promote informed and responsible health-related decision-making. How do cognitive biases affect health-related decision-making and what can be done about it? In crafting an effective thesis statement for your analytical essay on how cognitive biases affect health-related decision-making, consider these key considerations: 1) Specificity: Develop a focused thesis that clearly presents your main argument, exploring how cognitive biases impact your chosen subject. 2) Arguability: Formulate a statement open to debate, avoiding overly broad claims. Aim for a unique perspective on the influence of cognitive biases. 3) Alignment: Connect your thesis to the main affects of cognitive biases on health-related decision-making, showcasing how cognitive biases shape health-related decision-making. 4) Conciseness: Keep the thesis brief and directly relevant, avoiding unnecessary words or phrases while emphasizing the impact of cognitive biases. 5) Consistency: Ensure your thesis sets the tone for the entire paper, aligning with the arguments and evidence you will present. This approach fosters overall cohesion in your analytical essay on how cognitive biases affect health-related decision-making. Body Paragraphs: Get rid of the fluff terms…captivating, colossally, etc. Topic sentences should be focused on the topic, which is health-related decision-making. Every topic sentence must make a new point that directly supports the thesis. Each topic sentence should offer a new point about the impact of cognitive biases on health-related decision-making and a strategy to overcome that impact. Make sure each topic sentence is focused on a new point in support of the thesis. In the context of your argumentative research essay, each body paragraph should meticulously pinpoint specific cognitive biases influencing health-related decision-making in your topic sentences. Focus narrowly within each paragraph, delving into a singular implication of cognitive bias. Explicitly connect this implication to a particular cognitive bias, illustrating how it substantiates your topic sentence claim concerning the impact of cognitive bias on health-related decision-making. Ensure a comprehensive development of each paragraph by adding the requisite details to strengthen your argument. Each body paragraph should incorporate research centered on health-related decision-making. Ensure that the research directly bolsters your claims regarding the influence of cognitive bias on health-related decision-making and strategies to mitigate its impact. Maintain a sharp focus on the topic at hand throughout your analysis. To write a strong argumentative essay body paragraph, here’s what you need to do: 1. Start with a topic sentence: Begin each body paragraph by introducing the main point you want to discuss. Make sure this sentence ties back to your thesis and makes it clear how this point supports your argument. 2. Reasoning: Explain why the point you are making is important and relevant to your argument. Make sure to use logical reasoning and provide evidence to support your reasoning. 3. Evidence: Use concrete and specific evidence to support your argument. This can be in the form of facts, statistics, expert opinions, or examples. Make sure the evidence you choose is relevant and credible. 4. Examples: Provide an example that illustrates the point you are making and supports your argument. This example should be specific and relevant, and should help to clarify and reinforce your argument. 5. Analysis: Analyze the example you provided and explain how it supports your argument and why it is important. 6. Concluding sentence: End each body paragraph with a brief summarization of the main point you made and its connection to your thesis. By following these guidelines, you will be able to write clear and effective body paragraphs that support your argument and help you achieve your goals in your argumentative essay. Why is this draft so full of paraphrases. I generally don’t trust paraphrases, and I don’t want to seem them overused in an argumentative essay. Utilize direct quotes in your writing to enhance clarity and eliminate potential confusion. Paraphrases, while tempting, can be misleading, as they blur the line between your ideas and those of the cited authors. By incorporating direct quotes and adhering to the appropriate structure for their integration, you provide a transparent representation of the sources, avoiding misinterpretation and ensuring the accuracy of your work. Why are there random in-text citations after people’s names. Be sure to follow MLA for citations. What particular work out? What is affirmation inclination? You have to prove every claim you make with research evidence. Don’t advance claims about health and working out without evidence. How does media depict and support particular workouts? You have to provide evidence and real-world examples. I want evidence and a line of reasoning for every claim you make. No reasonable audience will accept claims simply because you make them. You have to reason out, exemplify, and provide evidence for each of your claims. Who is the imagined audience for your writing? The audience should be all individuals who are capable of reason, who rely on clear connections between all ideas, and who seek examples and textual evidence to support claims. Make sure your paper provides a complete, rational, and developed argument that appeals to an academic audience/a universal audience. Use vivid and explicit examples. for all of your claims. Examples serve to illustrate, provide evidence, persuade, clarify, and apply theoretical concepts to real-world situations. They make your argument tangible, strengthen your claims, appeal to readers, prevent misunderstandings, and showcase practical implications, contributing to the overall persuasiveness and clarity of your argument. I want to see examples of workouts, media, social patterns, dietary choices, etc. What re cognitive inclinations? When will you mention the topic of the paper? Cognitive biases and health-related decision-making… What make a dietary choice skewed? Always introduce authors when you first mention them/their texts. Do not assume that the reader knows what you are writing about until you make it clear to them. You only need to do this the first time you mention a new author in an assignment. Name the sources from which you have taken all the paraphrases (which you need to turn into direct quotes). What heuristics on dietary choices? Proofread for misspelled words: “socia 1” Certain diets? Which ones? Why aren’t there any specific details in the paper? Prevenentive care choices for what? Be specific. Misshapen recognition? I don’t get it. Who is misrecognizing? Who has the correct recognition? What are you writing about? Where is the evidence? Details? Vivid, real examples? You cannot write about the counterargument until you establish a very specific, pointed, and focused thesis that directly addresses the prompt on how cognitive biases impact health-related decision-making. Your thesis should also encompass clear strategies for promoting informed and responsible health-related decision-making despite potential counterarguments. The counterargument should critically engage with opposing viewpoints, offering a compelling analysis that strengthens your overall argument. Focus on crafting a robust thesis before delving into the counterargument. In the counterargument paragraph, identify and address an opposing viewpoint against your thesis. Specify who argues against your thesis, outline their line of reasoning, and pinpoint the shortcomings of their argument. Emphasize why your argument is more substantial, and introduce new points that further support the superiority of your thesis. Conclusion: In the conclusion, summarize the overarching argument and main supporting points. Conclude with a thought-provoking statement to leave a lasting impression on the reader, reinforcing the strength of your argument. Remember not to introduce new ideas, refrain from using quotes, and avoid repeating any content from earlier sections of the paper. Overall: Dedicate each paragraph to a distinct implication of cognitive bias steering health-related decision-making. It’s essential to articulate specific points that directly address the topic, ensuring a clear organization of ideas and main claims in support of your thesis. The strength of your argument lies in systematically exploring and presenting the implications of cognitive bias on health-related decision-making. Make sure to point every paragraph back to the thesis. Link every paragraph back to the thesis. It is important that the purpose of each paragraph and its connection to the thesis is clear. Explain how you have arrived at your conclusions. Explain your line of reasoning for each claim. You have to guide your audience through your entire argument. When crafting academic writing, it is important to keep in mind the potential questions that your audience may have. Anticipate their curiosity and provide thorough explanations for each claim made, addressing the “who, what, when, where, why, how, and so what” aspects. Ensure your writing includes reasons, explanations, examples, and supporting evidence to thoroughly support your claims and preemptively respond to your audience’s questions. You must provide examples for your claims. You must include at least one example in each paragraph. Verbally illustrate your ideas! Appropriate examples can support your contention that a general statement is true. Not only do they provide specifics and details in support of a claim, but the vivid they often include helps to capture and retain the reader’s attention. To use quotes in academic writing, follow these steps: 1) Introduce the quote: Provide context for the quote by introducing the source, author, and relevance to your argument. 2) Use quotation marks: Place the exact words of the source within quotation marks. 3) Cite the source: Include an MLA citation immediately following the quote. 4) Integrate the quote: Incorporate the quote into your writing by explaining its significance, connecting it to your argument, and showing how it supports your point. 5) Keep quotes concise: Use only the most relevant portion of the quote, and avoid over-quoting. Remember, quotes should support and enhance your own ideas, not replace them. When used effectively, quotes can provide credible evidence to strengthen your argument. Explain how you have arrived at your conclusions. Explain your line of reasoning for each claim. You have to guide your audience through your entire argument. Avoid the use of the words “this” and “it” as much as possible, especially at the beginning of sentences. In academic writing, it’s not necessarily wrong to use “it” or “this,” but it’s important to make sure the noun or pronoun being referred to is clear. If the antecedent is not clear, the writing can become vague and ambiguous, which can lead to confusion for the reader. To improve the clarity and specificity of your writing, it’s recommended to be as explicit as possible and to avoid over-reliance on vague or unclear pronouns. I find myself asking how after nearly all of your claims. Preemptively addressing the “how” question allows you to provide a detailed explanation of the reasoning involved in your argument, and to demonstrate the validity of your claim. Clarify and justify your claims; answer the how. Let me know if you have any questions or need an extra day to revise based on my feedback.
essay 1 feedback:
Hi Vazgen, A bit of feedback for the final draft of the next paper: Heading, including date must be in MLA format. The title should not be bolded. Follow MLA. Last name and page number font should be the exact same as the rest of the paper. All citations must be in MLA format. Why are you using APA? Review in-text citations here: https://owl.purdue.edu/owl/research_and_citation/m… The title of the Works Cited page should not be bolded. The entires in the works cited page must be in MLA. Also, capitalize the first letter of every primary word in a title for MLA. Format the works cited page according to MLA. Do not deviate from MLA. The works cited page should be its own separate page. Review MLA Works Cited page here: https://owl.purdue.edu/owl/research_and_citation/m… Introduction: Be sure to indent the first line of the intro. paragraph. The introduction should present the topic at hand. The prompt asks how cognitive biases impact financial decision-making and future planning, and what interventions can be implemented to promote financial literacy and long-term financial well-being? Your introduction must present the primary topics to be discussed. Why isn’t the topic introduced? Efficiently utilize your introduction to dive into the analysis without wasting space on explaining what the paper will do. Immediately address the impact of cognitive biases on financial decision-making, providing a concise yet engaging overview. In other words, don’t tell your reader what you are going to do. Just do it. Thesis: What is mental brain science? The thesis should be able to stand on its own without additional information. It should present one primary argument that you can thoroughly defend with additional point (topic sentence). How is financial decision making affected by cognitive bias? Your thesis should directly answer this question. You have to advance a specific argument/thesis. The thesis should be an answer to the “how” and also indicate strategies that can be employed to promote informed and responsible financial decision making. In crafting an effective thesis statement for your analytical essay on how cognitive biases affect financial decision making, consider these key considerations: 1) Specificity: Develop a focused thesis that clearly presents your main argument, exploring how cognitive biases impact your chosen subject. 2) Arguability: Formulate a statement open to debate, avoiding overly broad claims. Aim for a unique perspective on the influence of cognitive biases. 3) Alignment: Connect your thesis to the main affects of cognitive biases on financial decision making, showcasing how cognitive biases shape financial decision making. 4) Conciseness: Keep the thesis brief and directly relevant, avoiding unnecessary words or phrases while emphasizing the impact of cognitive biases. 5) Consistency: Ensure your thesis sets the tone for the entire paper, aligning with the arguments and evidence you will present. This approach fosters overall cohesion in your analytical essay on how cognitive biases affect financial decision making. Body Paragraphs: The first body paragraph should not tell your reader what you will do again. You already did this in the introduction. You should have already completed the analysis and investigation. The essay is the opportunity to present the findings and your argument. Each body paragraph must present a new idea that directly supports the thesis. What methodologies are you goign to examine? When will you actually get to the examination rather than just repeat what you will examine? Avoid claims about what you will do and simply do it. This paper…this investigation…it underscores. Where? When will you do these things? Please review the writing prompt and follow the paragraph structure exactly as it is written. What cognitive biases are you focused on? Where is the discussion of cognitive bias on financial decision making? The first body paragraph reads a lot like an introduction. What is the topic of this paragraph? What point are you working to prove in it? Why is there a second paragraphs that is all about what “the essay will do” rather than you getting to what the essay should already be doing? I don’t want any claims about what your essay will do. I want you to present your thesis and then support it throughout the body paragraphs. Do, don’t say what you will do. Where is financial decision making portrayed? Evidence? What mental predispositions? What methodical examples? What standard judgments? What specifically influences monetary decisions? What scenes of the financial market? What inclinations? What presumptions? What is pomposity predisposition? You must define all specialized terms to gain the adherence of your audience. Your audience has to be able to understand your specialized terms. Topic sentences should be focused on the topic, which is financial decision making. Every topic sentence must make a new point that directly supports the thesis. Each topic sentence should offer a new point about the impact of cognitive biases on financial decision making and a strategy to overcome that impact. Make sure each topic sentence is focused on a new point in support of the thesis. In the context of your argumentative research essay, each body paragraph should meticulously pinpoint specific cognitive biases influencing financial decision making in your topic sentences. Focus narrowly within each paragraph, delving into a singular implication of cognitive bias. Explicitly connect this implication to a particular cognitive bias, illustrating how it substantiates your topic sentence claim concerning the impact of cognitive bias on financial decision making. Ensure a comprehensive development of each paragraph by adding the requisite details to strengthen your argument. Each body paragraph should incorporate research centered on financial decision making. Ensure that the research directly bolsters your claims regarding the influence of cognitive bias on financial decision making and strategies to mitigate its impact. Maintain a sharp focus on the topic at hand throughout your analysis. To write a strong argumentative essay body paragraph, here’s what you need to do: 1. Start with a topic sentence: Begin each body paragraph by introducing the main point you want to discuss. Make sure this sentence ties back to your thesis and makes it clear how this point supports your argument. 2. Reasoning: Explain why the point you are making is important and relevant to your argument. Make sure to use logical reasoning and provide evidence to support your reasoning. 3. Evidence: Use concrete and specific evidence to support your argument. This can be in the form of facts, statistics, expert opinions, or examples. Make sure the evidence you choose is relevant and credible. 4. Examples: Provide an example that illustrates the point you are making and supports your argument. This example should be specific and relevant, and should help to clarify and reinforce your argument. 5. Analysis: Analyze the example you provided and explain how it supports your argument and why it is important. 6. Concluding sentence: End each body paragraph with a brief summarization of the main point you made and its connection to your thesis. By following these guidelines, you will be able to write clear and effective body paragraphs that support your argument and help you achieve your goals in your argumentative essay. Always introduce authors when you first mention/reference them/their texts. Give your reader reasons to trust your sources. Do not assume that the reader knows what you are writing about until you make it clear to them. You only need to do this the first time you mention a new author in an assignment. Name the sources from which you have taken all the paraphrases (which you need to turn into direct quotes). Paraphrases are often misleading; provide direct quotes for your audience. Why isn’t there a single direct quote in this paper? You must follow the instructions for the paper. Don’t deviate from the prompt. Who is the imagined audience for your writing? The audience should be all individuals who are capable of reason, who rely on clear connections between all ideas, and who seek examples and textual evidence to support claims. Make sure your paper provides a complete, rational, and developed argument that appeals to an academic audience/a universal audience. Use vivid and explicit examples. for all of your claims. Examples serve to illustrate, provide evidence, persuade, clarify, and apply theoretical concepts to real-world situations. They make your argument tangible, strengthen your claims, appeal to readers, prevent misunderstandings, and showcase practical implications, contributing to the overall persuasiveness and clarity of your argument. I want to see examples of good and bad financial decisions. Who does the things you claim people do? Where is the evidence? Where are the examples? Who has the “inclinations” you claim people have? Avoid hasty generalization fallacy and the fallacy of omniscience. Don’t make blanket claims about people and their financial decisions. Provide evidence for all claims you make. Concentrates by Lusardi and Mitchell? I don’t understand what this means. More APA citations…??? What is monetary training? What is monetary schooling? Do these exist? Where? Evidence? Whose monetary preparation is critically impacted? What is critical impact? What monetary way of behaving did the authors work on? How did they destroy walls? They destroyed walls in peoples’ minds? How? And where is the evidence os this? You have to be specific and provide evidence for every claim you make. What is “the mental scene?” Are you going to discuss cognitive biases? Counter: Where is the counter argument? Please review the prompt. In the counterargument paragraph, identify and address an opposing viewpoint against your thesis. Specify who argues against your thesis, outline their line of reasoning, and pinpoint the shortcomings of their argument. Emphasize why your argument is more substantial, and introduce new points that further support the superiority of your thesis. Conclusion: In the conclusion, summarize the overarching argument and main supporting points. Conclude with a thought-provoking statement to leave a lasting impression on the reader, reinforcing the strength of your argument. Remember not to introduce new ideas, refrain from using quotes, and avoid repeating any content from earlier sections of the paper. Overall: Make sure to point every paragraph back to the thesis. Link every paragraph back to the thesis. It is important that the purpose of each paragraph and its connection to the thesis is clear. Remember, appropriate examples can support your contention that a general statement is true. Not only do they provide specifics and details in support of a claim, but the vivid they often include helps to capture and retain the reader’s attention. Use vivid and fully-developed examples. for all of your claims. To use quotes in academic writing, follow these steps: 1) Introduce the quote: Provide context for the quote by introducing the source, author, and relevance to your argument. 2) Use quotation marks: Place the exact words of the source within quotation marks. 3) Cite the source: Include an MLA citation immediately following the quote. 4) Integrate the quote: Incorporate the quote into your writing by explaining its significance, connecting it to your argument, and showing how it supports your point. 5) Keep quotes concise: Use only the most relevant portion of the quote, and avoid over-quoting. Remember, quotes should support and enhance your own ideas, not replace them. When used effectively, quotes can provide credible evidence to strengthen your argument. When crafting academic writing, it is important to keep in mind the potential questions that your audience may have. Anticipate their curiosity and provide thorough explanations for each claim made, addressing the “who, what, when, where, why, how, and so what” aspects. Ensure your writing includes reasons, explanations, examples, and supporting evidence to thoroughly support your claims and preemptively respond to your audience’s questions. Dedicate each paragraph to a distinct implication of cognitive bias steering financial decisions. It’s essential to articulate specific points that directly address the topic, ensuring a clear organization of ideas and main claims in support of your thesis. The strength of your argument lies in systematically exploring and presenting the implications of cognitive bias on financial decisions. I find myself asking how after nearly every claim in the paper. Preemptively addressing the “how” question allows you to provide a detailed explanation of the reasoning involved in your argument, and to demonstrate the validity of your claim. Clarify and justify your claims; answer the how. This is crucial if you are going to gain the adherence of an academic audience. You must provide explanation, definition, reasoning, evidence, and examples. Please follow the prompt exactly as it is written for Paper Two. I have provided a paragraph by paragraph structure that will help you achieve a successful academic argument. Let me know if you have any questions about my feedback. Please see the attached grading rubric. Best, U.
essay 2 draft 1 feedback:
Good job on your essay! A few things, you don’t need a cover page, your name, date, class, and teacher should be on the upper left hand corner of your first page. You don’t need to specify what prompt you are answering, it should be evident based on your title. You have a strong thesis that I think gives you a lot of room to build on in the remainder of your essay. There were a few of your sentences that were a little hard to read, I would suggest reading your essay again maybe outloud from the perspective of the reader. I think it would help you essay flow better. I saw your in text citations, but I didn’t really know what you were quoting. Make sure to put quotations around your quotes. Make sure to have hanging indents for all your works cited entries and make sure they are in alphabetical order.
Ashley Toshima , Feb 8 at 11:20am
Hi Vazgen, First when it comes to MLA I do not think you need a title page. Also your title should be in the middle of the page. You do not need to include the prompt number. Make sure your font is all the same including your last name at the top corners. Your works cited needs to be titles and the citations need to be in alphabetical order. Yours works cited also needs to be on its own page. Your wrote so much which all the information is useful but try condensing some of your sentences so that you can tell your reader the main points. Also make sure to introduce the authors that you are using for quotes. For example who is Spencer and where are you taking these info/quotes from. Overall your essay is very interesting and supports your thesis just make sure it all connects and blends smoothly.
Shayla Benson , Feb 9 at 2:06pm
Hi Vazgen, Your essay on the use of hermeneutics in theology is great. The analysis of the compatibility of hermeneutics with religious text interpretation, coupled with historical insights into the Protestant Reformation’s impact offers a nuanced perspective. The historical overview of hermeneutics, tracing its roots is well-organized. I appreciate your emphasis on the distinctiveness of interpreting the Bible and the active role of God in its composition. While your insights are rich, consider refining transitions for a smoother flow, and ensure adherence to MLA format details. Overall, amazing job!
Luca Bonoli , Feb 9 at 6pm
Hi Vazgen, Feedback for the final draft: Your paper must be in MLA formatting. There are many MLA issues throughout. Please fix all of them. Please apply all feedback from previous assignments to the paper. Be sure to thoroughly introduce hermeneutics as a major component of the paper in the introduction. In your paper, a crucial aspect is providing a clear and comprehensive definition of hermeneutics to guide your readers through the intricacies of its application. Clearly articulate the central tenets of hermeneutics, emphasizing its dynamic and context-dependent nature. Show how hermeneutics is not merely a theoretical concept but an active engagement, requiring sensitivity to context and continuous dialogue with the subject under examination. Unveil the goals of hermeneutics, steering away from fixed meanings and embracing the richness of interpretation. Highlight key players in hermeneutic theory, illustrating how figures like Schleiermacher, Heidegger, Gadamer, and Ricoeur have shaped its landscape. Emphasize the significance of hermeneutics in fostering a deeper understanding of human experience, culture, and knowledge. Ensure that your analysis practically demonstrates the application of hermeneutic ideas, making it evident how the hermeneutic lens guides your exploration of theological interpretation. I don’t want to see more than one quote in each paragraph. Do not replace your own writing with a series of dropped and unexplained quotes. The same goes for paraphrases. As you explore hermeneutics in theological interpretation to steer clear of dogmatism, ensure your focus is sharply focused. Delve into the practical application of hermeneutic ideas throughout your essay. Highlight the active engagement required in hermeneutics the sensitivity to context and ongoing dialogue with the subject under examination. Emphasize the goals of hermeneutics, particularly its capacity to break away from fixed meanings. Make it evident how your analysis practically applies hermeneutic ideas, demonstrating their dynamic and context-dependent nature in theological interpretation. This will ensure a robust argument against the pitfalls of dogmatism. Enhance your examination of hermeneutics in theological interpretation and prevent dogmatism by incorporating a unique theological example into each paragraph. Avoid repetition and refrain from using examples from Zimmermann to ensure a diverse and comprehensive analysis. All book titles must be in MLA. All citations must be in MLA. Follow the paper structure that is outlined in the prompt. All paragraphs must be fully developed. Every paragraph must contain one single direct quotation from a scholarly source; no repetitions or paraphrases are allowed. There should not be multiple quotations or paraphrases in the paragraphs. Ensure that each of your claims in the final draft clearly and decisively answers the “HOW” question, leaving no room for doubt or further inquiry on behalf of your reader. Let me know if you have any questions. Best,
